I woke up at 3 AM again; it's lung time according to acupuncture - grief time. It's also when I connect clearest with Jason.
It was not as strong this time because he is focusing on his friends, helping them get through this hard time. I am telling them Jason is there for them, and I hope they really believe that.
I asked Jason about the "new energy". Erin's friends would call it "One Love". Jason's clearest message to me is to Lighten Up and all just love each other.
I got strongly that it is not the right time to be discussing this with people (let's take notes and discuss next Sat at my home gathering with friends), and to be with my grieving. Yesterday was an incredibly supportive day with dear friends helping us plan the ceremony; Annika led a patient process and we had the sacred space to open up intense grief, love, gratitude, and some humor. I am trusting the process and can relax knowing all is in place. Chuck and and I are so grateful to have this support; it really helps us and we are helping each other get through this - Kule is my harbor and he has been tremendous at being there for me and Chuck.
So the message is Lighten Up - I asked how can I lighten up and still grieve? I got not to sweat the small stuff and not to be so serious. He said my friends would help me laugh as well as cry, and that is happening.
I asked Jason to help Erin's sister Shannon who is devastated (Jason chose a life without siblings, although he has a few close friends that are like siblings and they are also devastated). I received a moving card from a student who I never met but wanted me to know how special Jason was - we will put some of her words in the ceremony. The high school is offering grief counseling to the students starting Tues. Jason's friend Evan called last night and we cried together; he will let Jason's school friends know that I want to meet them (there are so many I don’t know well or haven't met); I wish I had known Erin. Linda's daughter Julia and son Christopher, who were practically cousins to Jason growing up, are helping with a slide show and photos from Facebook for the ceremony; that is helping them through this. I will ask Evan and another couple of Jason's friends to come and be part of this. Jason's percussionist friend Steve, who did the marimba duet that Jason composed, will be coming with a video of that concert (that we will show at the ceremony) and a live performance at the reception.
Jason built a community of awesome young people and his on-line photography community on Deviant Art, as well as his friends with the Art of Living YES (Youth Empowerment Seminar) program. He has been a humble leader in all of these communities; Jason has always had such a powerful loving presence that is also peaceful. What a gift he has given all of us.
My family is coming today and they are putting together some displays about Jason's life. Jason reminded me at 3 AM about the Spanish project he did last year where he hand-picked photos from his life and made humorous Spanish descriptions of each one. He saved me the work of picking out the ones I thought he would like us to show! Thank you, sweetie.
I was struggling with some fear that the church may not be big enough for everyone (about 300), and I am trusting the funeral home will help with any overflow challenges. The event has been publicized (with beautiful articles) in the Boston Globe, Boston Herald, as well as regional papers, so the turnout could be much more than we expected. Kule and I are holding the intention that all will receive what they need from the ceremony and related events. Erin's wake is the same day, and there is a pow-wow in her honor Tuesday 11-1 (2A Street, Hull, MA); we will be going down with anyone who would like to come and be with Jason's beautiful friends there.
Love
Michelle
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