There are so many times when I feel like I'm submerged in thoughts and tiny things that accumulate in my head. I start to feel hot and thirsty and overwhelmed like time collapsed into a single second and it's all happening righthererightnow. But then I hear the leaves rustling around me like waves, and I feel a wind brush past me like a soft white sheet, and I breathe the scent of quintessential peace and presence and the comfort it brings. And in this open field things start to expand again.... And now is just... now. – Jason Foster 7/9/09
I never imagined I would lose my son at such a young age, my only child.
I certainly never imagined that losing the most precious being in my life would prove to me that there is no such thing as loss.
Now I am certain that I am here on this earth to spread the messages I received from Jason after he passed from this earth plane at the age of 17.
From the depth of pain has surfaced awe.
Love is the only thing that exists.
Jason was and is an amazing soul. I started receiving his messages the day he died. In the midst of that fresh grief, I woke up in the middle of the night and was moved to write. The pen seemed to move on its own. There was so much to receive. His spirit was so powerful; I cried from the beauty more than from the grief. I wrote every day for months.
The grief may be lifelong, but the book is written. The gifts are eternal and enlightening.
“Evening Reds” by Jason Foster, 2009
Jason was a gifted artist and musician in life (http://www.plutonicfluf.com/ ), and he wanted me to get back in touch with my gift of writing, just as he encouraged me in life to pursue my passion for music. His soul chose me in this lifetime, and he knew that I would totally get his messages and feel his spirit very much alive. He is doing important healing work from the other side, I am certain of that.
I find it difficult to write this synopsis, to distill in a short piece the depth of spiritual integration I received that I would like to pass on to others. The messages “came in” in a very sacred way, and I feel strongly that they should be kept sacred by passing them on intact. I first shared them with close friends on email, and then started a blog, http://www.jasonmichellefoster.blogspot.com/. The messages have had profound impact on many, and I knew they had to be shared more widely.
The first message from Jason was to tell me how free he was without a body. He wanted me to tell everyone that we all limit ourselves in our bodies. He wants everyone to know how big they can be when they follow their passion. He inspired and continues to inspire his friends and hundreds on the internet through his Deviant art account (http://www.deviantart.plutonicfluf.com/) Jason didn’t use the word “spiritual” but he knew how to connect with people through his spirit in a big way. It was easy for him to continue the spiritual connection after he dropped his body.
“Shards of Dreams” - Jason Foster 2009
Jason is a highly evolved loving being. Minutes after I received the news that he had died suddenly in a car accident, I felt his angelic energy rush into me like soft light flashes, and I knew he was fine. He told me energetically, yet very clearly, that he was more than fine; he was exactly where his soul wanted to be to do the powerful work he wants to do. I knew in that instant that I was going to be fine, too, doing what I needed to do here on earth.
Jason’s messages came to me in ways where there was no mistaking his energy. Sometimes they came in with the type of humor he expressed when he was alive. One time he was communicating to me through his computer, and when I told him that freaked me out but that it was quite creative, he said “thank you” and stopped and never did it again. He knew I would get the messages in energetic ways that didn’t freak out his mom. I got them often when I was out in nature, when I happened to find something I had been looking for and realized Jason was handing it to me with a message, when I was reminiscing on great times we shared, when I was listening to his music or looking at his art, when I could feel his energy in cloud formations, and in many other creative ways. Jason was all about power and creativity in life and beyond. There is no mistaking the energy of Jason when it comes in. His energy and his messages come in through his photography and poetry, which will be included in this book.
“Three Benches” – Jason Foster, 2009
I can’t express enough the love and gratitude that I have experienced being connected to Jason’s spirit since he passed. He has taught me that there is no such thing as loss, just change of form. “If we see everything as spirit (energy) transforming from one form to another, then there is no loss and we see abundance and the worth of every living thing” (from the chapter Earth Mother).
My son Jason has helped me to understand that there is only one thing that exists throughout all forms, and that is love.
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
Messages from Jason:
I’ve distilled Jason’s messages down to 17, Jason’s earth age.
1. We limit ourselves with our minds; if we believe this, we can see more options to create what we want.
2. Love is eternal; it is the only thing that really exists. Go into your heart, that’s where the important answers are, not our minds. We have access to everything through love.
3. When we send love to others it is magnified and reflected back to us.
4. Know that we are all precious beings, connected by a higher power. Treat ourselves and others as precious and we will feel connected and supported. Be fully who you are.
5. Follow your passion; it will bring you fulfillment. Live your life fully, and this inspires others to live their lives fully. Pay It Forward – Help other people follow their passion, to empower your own.
6. We connect with our loved ones, alive or departed, through our love and fond memories of them, including play and humor. We can “lighten up” to experience the uplifting memories, to feel their energy with us, uplifting us, as if they were right there with us.
7. We communicate with others, alive or departed, through their essence, or spirit, in many non-verbal ways that are often more powerful than verbal. We capture the essence of ourselves and others through art, music, and other creative expression that help us see the beauty and preciousness of everything. Our dreams help us to connect with our essence without being hindered by the mind’s beliefs.
8. There are no rules, there is only the mind and what it chooses to believe. Our pain is a result of not seeing a reality that we believe should be there. That’s our illusion.
9. Gratitude connects us with our heart and helps us to manifest more to be grateful for. Practice being grateful often.
10. If we accept death, we embrace life. We are always changing and we take on and drop identities all the time. If we stay attached to having things stay the same or remaining a certain person, we suffer. Death often happens to serve a higher purpose that might not be clear with our minds for some time. Trust in the cycle of life and death, of cleansing, renewal, and rebirth.
11. Surrender. Let go of the ego and feeling the need to control. Let the love and healing in. Let go of old beliefs and patterns that don’t serve you anymore, and open your heart and your mind to receiving the new that does serve you. We are held by a higher power, the divine.
12. There is nothing to be afraid of. Don’t be afraid of your own shadow, your beliefs that dictate what you experience.
13. Wisdom comes in many forms, and often not what we expect – from dreams (the unknown), from an inner knowing (intuition), from young people (“old souls”), and from nature. Be open to learning new things and ways; lift your filters. Gifts are waiting to be received if we are open to seeing them.
14. We attract and create family, loving community, wherever we are, if we believe this can happen.
15. We are never alone. There is a higher power with us all the time; our guides, angels, and our higher self. You can connect with the essence of your departed loved ones as if they were with you, feeling their love and support. Just because we can’t see it doesn’t mean it ain’t there!
16. Believe in Oneness – There is no separation, we are all connected.
17. Enjoy Being. Practice Presence, releasing your over-focused attention on the past, worries of the future, etc. The ultimate joy is in being in the moment, being present to the now, seeing the beauty of all. This is the secret to happiness.
PASSAGES from “Messages from Jason”:
From Message 1 from Jason, 8/7/09, 3 AM the night of his passing:
His love is so big, and now that he isn't in his body he is limitless. He wants everyone to know that it is so easy to let the love in, and he can help us see how we can become more limitless. He is inviting all of you who know how to connect with him energetically to let him in as fully as you can because he is sending healing energy to the planet from the other side. He was so happy to get through to me, and it was quite overwhelming, I was laughing and crying at the same time. My partner Kule asked me what I can ask from Jason, and I asked him to tone it down a bit so I could sleep. He did, right away, it was amazing. Then I fell asleep. His love is magical.
From Message 8 -The Infinite, 8/14/09 :
Jason - what do we need to know about the infinite?
"Nothing - Just Be It. If you try to know it, you lose the connection. We are limitless, but we limit ourselves with our minds.”
From Message 22- Surrender, 8/22/09:
I awoke and heard “There’s Nothing Left.”
Writing it now it means to me that there is nothing left to do but surrender.I’m feeling great peace and love, and now with a sense of calm. It’s the feeling I’ve had when I’ve completely surrendered and I just know everything is perfect. It doesn’t come from my mind, but from my being. I’ve surrendered to the healing that is available from Jason and from my relationship with him and what he has taught me.
Jason is asking all of us to surrender and let the healing in.
From Message 24 – the Big Nothing, 8/24/09 :
This morning I was going through the box Jason kept bedside and found a poem on folded up paper that he must have written this past year, since I gave him the box a year ago. It was about the big nothing, the same title of a story I made up for him when he was about 10 yrs old. Lost my breath once again.
Blajhu – poem by Jason Foster, c. 2008-2009
the deep unknown
Not knowing what’s
In front of you
Not knowing what’s there
and what’s not
is there for the use
of no one
Behind of something
in front of nothing
while you drop relentlessly
Two in front of nothing
and from nothing I’m behind
Leaving the scent
of the light
from the liquid behind you
Up above you
Where the light shows bright
You’re being brought
the scent of the brightness
that you had once lost
And finding it shattered
Free to go, I suppose
as I get sucked down
And shot to the sky
I hover over
And watch it fly by
Two in front of nothing
And from nothing I’m behind
As I’m sucked down from my steady pace
Contained in a big black nothing
From Message 28 – We Are One, 9/27/09:
I watched the scarlet-yellow painted leaf that I threw into the stream move into a deep hole. It got caught up in eddies and swirled slowly to the bottom and the color faded to emptiness. I trusted I would see it again, and I waited patiently to see it churn upward in the cross-currents to resurface with its sunny colors. The eddies took it down again, reminding me of my emotional roller coaster. I prayed for surrender, trusting completely that this beautiful spirit would resurface with every submerge, in its own time, and be carried with the flow. With that energy of surrender held, I witnessed the sudden catapulting to the surface and with one quick smooth stroke the leaf glided glisteningly across the rocky ledge over a waterfall, where it continued its dance in the joy of being.
From Message 30 – Being, 10/1/09
I asked Jason what gives him the most joy where he is. As soon as I said it, I realized how silly the question was. In the world of spirit there is no such thing as joy or sadness or pain or peace. There is just what is. Being – with no judgment or labels or expectations. Just experiencing what is, with wonder.
From Tsunami, 11/10/09:
I believe that when someone dies, enormous energy is passed through those connected with that soul, like a tidal wave or an atomic explosion. There is the experience of shock and disbelief. There appears to be major loss and unfairness. So much crashes in on us – feelings, memories, and thoughts that are so intense and hard for our nervous systems to handle. This includes the overwhelming love that sweeps over us. There is also so much that floats to the surface, after the huge waves churn us up. It washes up on the beach, waiting to be cleared. With each burial or burning of debris, there is a clearing of energy, making way for the renewal and building of what is desired. It’s a lot of work. It’s exhausting. It’s grief.
From Grieving Affirmations, 12/31/2009:
I accept Jason’s death; it was his soul’s choice on his soul’s path. The higher plan may not be completely known to me, and I trust in his evolution and in what he is offering from the other side. I celebrate Jason’s life and spirit.
From Message 35 – Move In, 1/9/10:
It feels like time to move on, and the message I got from Jason today is to move in.
I’ve grieved hard, I’ve retreated and integrated, and now it’s time to do the work of my life. To move more fully into who I am.
From The Observer, 8/6/10, 1 yr after Jason’s passing:
I found myself watching Jason’s ashes swirl in the water. A year ago this was a powerful shamanic experience, feeling his energy in the ashes, letting it release the intensity of grief. This year it was different. I watched the ashes in interest. I observed the texture. I watched my emotions come up – missing him, wishing he hadn’t died, feeling the fatigue of so much grief over the past year, feeling the joy of having him in my life. The ashes, the emotions, they were all dust, they were all experiences that were what they were. No judgment, just observation.
I looked around Jason’s cove, feeling his presence. The feeling of presence wasn’t separate from me as it was in the past. He was watching as I was watching; we were the Observer together, there was no separation.
From A Year to Live, 8/22/10:
I died when Jason died.
Now I have the opportunity to re-live the way I choose to.
From Travelling with Jason, 10/4/10, on a continuing cross-country sabbatical seeking a new place to live with my partner Kule:
I continue to get clear signs that Jason is with me. At Yellowstone Falls I felt Jason’s unmistakable power in the flow of tons of clear water. At Olympic National Park during my visit with the sacred Sitka tree, the grandmother spirit blessed me with her love and acknowledged the amazing love I have for Jason; Jason showered his love for me through this ancient wise tree.
These were potent experiences. They brought me back to the place of trusting in the unseen, in the incredible energetic connection we can have with each other in life and after life.
It's awesome travelling with you, Jason.