“It’s not about the form; it’s about the formless.”
I asked Jason to let the water wash away the grief and attachment to stuff that is prolonging suffering unnecessarily. The ocean water was warm enough today to stay in for a while. I looked up and saw a giant dove cloud and felt a message coming. Jason always knew how to get me to be completely in the moment, experiencing the micro-beauty of everything. I was playing with the water, feeling it flow past my skin in infinite possibilities of shapes and light reflections. I let myself get lost in the formlessness of the water. I felt my form dissolving in the water.
I stayed with the feeling of how nice the water felt. I started feeling the joy of having Jason’s energy with me, showing me new perspectives the way he did when he had a human form.
I found myself saying out loud “It’s not about the fucking form.” My incantations almost turned into a hard rock gig, walking a fast pace down the beach with Jason; it felt so powerful to say those words. I found myself laughing at my mind’s history of putting so much emphasis on form.
I left the beach feeling centered and rejuvenated.
Feeling is formless.
Feeling joy is formless.
Feeling love is formless.
Feeling peace is formless.
Memories are formless.
Beauty takes many forms (the beach held so much beauty in its forms today) and its essence is formless.
What’s more important than the formless?
What’s real about form anyway?
Isn’t it the feeling that really counts? The formless is what counts.
It feels really good to reflect on memories with Jason.
I feel peace when I connect with his soul that is at peace.
I feel so much love for my son.
The formless is what is most powerful. The formless is what counts.
Jason is formless.
I am formless.
I can choose to dwell on the loss of form or I can choose to accept the beauty of the formless.
The formless is what counts.
And then I talk to someone who is attached to form and I experience doubts. We all get attached, so doubts always arise.
I can choose to not be attached to form, and to play with being different forms or being with different forms. I choose to be in this form of a human body, but I can choose to not be attached to the form as a limited identity. Jason says we can be so much less limited. I believe that, but it is not easy to maintain this belief.
I have come to the conclusion many times over the years that spirit is what is important and it feels good to not be attached to the physical. And then my son died, something I never imagined losing. My attachment to physical form and identity has been triggered big time. I’m grateful for the ways that I can experience Jason in his formlessness, and I believe that with less attachment I will experience less suffering. With less doubts I will experience Jason’s energy even more strongly; it’s all around me in his art and music and all the memories. Jason’s death has inspired me to try to really get the big spiritual teachings and to transform pain into beingness, to see that it’s all about the formless and the wordless.
My goal is to experience the pain as a reflection of the beauty and the love, and to feel it all without judgment. Right now it’s a roller coaster.
From all of you on this path to transcend the mind and the form, any reminders are welcomed. And, of course, hugs and healing thoughts and offers are definitely always welcomed. I do feel I’m turning the corner and feeling more peace; thanks so much for your ongoing support.
Loads of Love,
Michelle
No comments:
Post a Comment