Monday, May 14, 2012
Thank you for reading my blog and being support for me during my grieving journey. Messages from Jason has been moved to http://www.vyolamyst.com/, where you will find continued writings inspiring our evolution, and information on my channeling, healing, and music offerings. I am working on the second draft of the book in my new home in Ashland, Oregon; updates will be on the new website.
Blessings on your journey dear ones,
from Michelle and Jason
Michelle Herrera Foster
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The end of an era based on form (structure, predictability, systems, focus on the physical) has brought on confusion and fear, with predictions of major catastrophes. I do believe it is the end of life as we know it. I also believe it is the beginning of a much better life for all, if we are ready to embrace the change.
Going beyond form is hard to imagine, and therefore many of us don’t want to. What if what we find beyond form is way better what we could have imagined? That’s the whole point of not imagining it, so we can be open to attracting what is really good for us, with our hearts and not our minds.
Occupy Wall Street is working to dissolve the old economic systems that don’t work. There’s no perfect solution for the future, but I believe if we all believe we will be in a better place; the right solutions will drop into place at the right time. Forms we are used to may not exist. Cooperation and caring will continue to exist.
Change is hard – it’s a kind of death, and no one knows what really happens after death. I’m a believer in the spirit continuing after the body drops, and that we are all connected in that realm of spirit. When we care for each other, we connect spiritually. The love of dear ones who have died continues, and we may feel the love and energy of departed souls as clearly as we could when they were alive. What if we could connect with living souls in this way all the time? I believe we can, and that we are being guided to doing this more and more.
Permaculture teaches us how all living things and matter are connected, and how we can make that connection work to our advantage, creating sustainability. There’s no wonder why the interest in permaculture is taking off, in the midst of this year of great evolution. Every student that I have met that has studied permaculture has been in awe of the spiritual awareness they have gained.
My personal experience with the loss of my child Jason has taught me that the Formless is where it’s at (see "Formless" 9/23/09). I was in awe of how powerful our connection was after he died, as I connected with him, receiving messages (in this blog) that have been assisting my evolution and helping me to assist others’. My connection with the “other side”, the formless unseen place where we feel energy and get information, is so much stronger since my son passed and he brought me closer through our everlasting love. I am helping others to connect with the world of Spirit, introducing them to their spiritual guides, that I believe are aspects of their Higher Self.
I have proof that that world of Spirit does exist, and I believe strongly that if we connect more often with each others at this plane of existence, that we will find the peace that we have been seeking in the physical world. The world as we have known it is going through major changes in order to move us into that new world of spiritual connection. Perhaps as soon as we all get how we can connect spiritually, the physical world may no longer need to do its thing to wake us up.
Whatever people are afraid to lose in the world, as we have known it, will never be lost, just transformed. I believe that transformation is for our highest good, and when we surrender to what is happening, we find only peace and love.
Monday, September 5, 2011
I was born a healer and I gave birth to a healer. My son Jason and I are connected beyond the womb connection, beyond this earth plane. When he passed from this earth at the age of 17 in 2009, he gave me powerful messages that I shared in my writings on this blog. We are doing our work together now. He is connecting me with his wisdom and that of many guides he gets to hang out with on the “other side”. Jason always attracted beautiful souls in life and beyond!
These last two years I’ve done powerful grieving, I’ve celebrated Jason’s life, and I’ve hung on to the roller coaster of emotions and adventure of creating a new life, including travelling to the west coast and Costa Rica finding beautiful new homes and new-culture communities with my beloved Kule (www.kulemichelle.blogspot.com ) . Now I’m embracing a new relationship with this beautiful soul called Jason that was my son for 17 years. He has opened a sacred door to me of trust of seeing and understanding the wisdom that is available to us beyond our senses. I’ve suffered a difficult physical loss, and I’m in awe of a beautiful spiritual gain that Jason is offering me from his world, and I in turn want to offer to this world. My love for my son transcends form and dimension, and connects me to him in order to receive information and energetic connection from pure Source.
We are a team.
Jason never used the words “spiritual”, “heal” or “healer”; I understand now that it is because he knew from deep wisdom that we are all capable of healing ourselves. His connection to Source is apparent in his photography and music (www.plutonicfluf.com). I believe that just looking at his art and music (posting in progress 9/11) can be transformational to the viewer.
My commitment as a “healer” is to be a guide, to assist others to connect with their own inner wisdom and Source for self-healing. One of the first messages I received from Jason when he dropped his body and soared with his newfound spiritual freedom is to let everyone know what precious beings they are, and to help them find this within themselves. He helped his friends with this when he was alive, and continues to do this with those who continue to connect with his energy.
It is an honor to serve with Jason to help anyone who is asking for greater connection with their own beauty, wisdom, and creativity.
I do this in honor of you, Jason, and of my self.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
The bus climbed up the switchbacks of the Central Valley in Costa Rica, wrapped in a slight chill from the cloudy mist. I was listening to Jason’s favorite music when we rounded the bend and I fell into awe. It was so beautiful. I immediately knew something was going to happen here. I looked at Kule and he looked back with wide eyes and with the same knowing.
As I gazed over the lush green valley and peaceful hillsides blanketed in sun and clouds, met by passing kings posing as ancient trees, I heard Jason giving me a message through the tearful sunburst of love pouring from my heart.
“The messages are yours; you taught me.”
The teacher and student are one. Mother and son are one. There is no separation.
I also heard Enya singing in the background “If you really want to, you will seize the day.” Jason joined in with “Let go of your old beliefs.”
Three months later, as I write this, I know that this valley is my next home. I also realize there is perfect timing for everything. The book hasn’t been published, and yet it already is. It’s not a book in paper, but it is an e-book on a blog and available for anyone who wants to read it – www.jasonmichellefoster.blogspot.com .
I heard back from one publisher out of 4-5 that the book topic was touching but not what they were looking for; I haven't heard back from the others, but I hear publishing companies are hurting during these economic times. I’m now understanding that the book is meant to be self-published, and my mind won’t figure it out. Only my heart will know, at the right time. I will be publishing his photographs in a book at some point, but right now it is available at http://www.plutonicfluf.com/, so that, too, is published.
I’ll give the messages freely; I’ll give to others the way I know how, from my heart. Jason taught me this, as much as I taught him. Love comes back magnified. It’s meant to be spread freely. The world is needing it, and all need to know it is right in their hearts.
Michelle y Jason
Monday, December 20, 2010
There are so many times when I feel like I'm submerged in thoughts and tiny things that accumulate in my head. I start to feel hot and thirsty and overwhelmed like time collapsed into a single second and it's all happening righthererightnow. But then I hear the leaves rustling around me like waves, and I feel a wind brush past me like a soft white sheet, and I breathe the scent of quintessential peace and presence and the comfort it brings. And in this open field things start to expand again.... And now is just... now. – Jason Foster 7/9/09
I never imagined I would lose my son at such a young age, my only child.
I certainly never imagined that losing the most precious being in my life would prove to me that there is no such thing as loss.
Now I am certain that I am here on this earth to spread the messages I received from Jason after he passed from this earth plane at the age of 17.
From the depth of pain has surfaced awe.
Love is the only thing that exists.
Jason was and is an amazing soul. I started receiving his messages the day he died. In the midst of that fresh grief, I woke up in the middle of the night and was moved to write. The pen seemed to move on its own. There was so much to receive. His spirit was so powerful; I cried from the beauty more than from the grief. I wrote every day for months.
The grief may be lifelong, but the book is written. The gifts are eternal and enlightening.
“Evening Reds” by Jason Foster, 2009
Jason was a gifted artist and musician in life (http://www.plutonicfluf.com/ ), and he wanted me to get back in touch with my gift of writing, just as he encouraged me in life to pursue my passion for music. His soul chose me in this lifetime, and he knew that I would totally get his messages and feel his spirit very much alive. He is doing important healing work from the other side, I am certain of that.
I find it difficult to write this synopsis, to distill in a short piece the depth of spiritual integration I received that I would like to pass on to others. The messages “came in” in a very sacred way, and I feel strongly that they should be kept sacred by passing them on intact. I first shared them with close friends on email, and then started a blog, http://www.jasonmichellefoster.blogspot.com/. The messages have had profound impact on many, and I knew they had to be shared more widely.
The first message from Jason was to tell me how free he was without a body. He wanted me to tell everyone that we all limit ourselves in our bodies. He wants everyone to know how big they can be when they follow their passion. He inspired and continues to inspire his friends and hundreds on the internet through his Deviant art account (http://www.deviantart.plutonicfluf.com/) Jason didn’t use the word “spiritual” but he knew how to connect with people through his spirit in a big way. It was easy for him to continue the spiritual connection after he dropped his body.
“Shards of Dreams” - Jason Foster 2009
Jason is a highly evolved loving being. Minutes after I received the news that he had died suddenly in a car accident, I felt his angelic energy rush into me like soft light flashes, and I knew he was fine. He told me energetically, yet very clearly, that he was more than fine; he was exactly where his soul wanted to be to do the powerful work he wants to do. I knew in that instant that I was going to be fine, too, doing what I needed to do here on earth.
Jason’s messages came to me in ways where there was no mistaking his energy. Sometimes they came in with the type of humor he expressed when he was alive. One time he was communicating to me through his computer, and when I told him that freaked me out but that it was quite creative, he said “thank you” and stopped and never did it again. He knew I would get the messages in energetic ways that didn’t freak out his mom. I got them often when I was out in nature, when I happened to find something I had been looking for and realized Jason was handing it to me with a message, when I was reminiscing on great times we shared, when I was listening to his music or looking at his art, when I could feel his energy in cloud formations, and in many other creative ways. Jason was all about power and creativity in life and beyond. There is no mistaking the energy of Jason when it comes in. His energy and his messages come in through his photography and poetry, which will be included in this book.
“Three Benches” – Jason Foster, 2009
I can’t express enough the love and gratitude that I have experienced being connected to Jason’s spirit since he passed. He has taught me that there is no such thing as loss, just change of form. “If we see everything as spirit (energy) transforming from one form to another, then there is no loss and we see abundance and the worth of every living thing” (from the chapter Earth Mother).
My son Jason has helped me to understand that there is only one thing that exists throughout all forms, and that is love.
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞
Messages from Jason:
I’ve distilled Jason’s messages down to 17, Jason’s earth age.
1. We limit ourselves with our minds; if we believe this, we can see more options to create what we want.
2. Love is eternal; it is the only thing that really exists. Go into your heart, that’s where the important answers are, not our minds. We have access to everything through love.
3. When we send love to others it is magnified and reflected back to us.
4. Know that we are all precious beings, connected by a higher power. Treat ourselves and others as precious and we will feel connected and supported. Be fully who you are.
5. Follow your passion; it will bring you fulfillment. Live your life fully, and this inspires others to live their lives fully. Pay It Forward – Help other people follow their passion, to empower your own.
6. We connect with our loved ones, alive or departed, through our love and fond memories of them, including play and humor. We can “lighten up” to experience the uplifting memories, to feel their energy with us, uplifting us, as if they were right there with us.
7. We communicate with others, alive or departed, through their essence, or spirit, in many non-verbal ways that are often more powerful than verbal. We capture the essence of ourselves and others through art, music, and other creative expression that help us see the beauty and preciousness of everything. Our dreams help us to connect with our essence without being hindered by the mind’s beliefs.
8. There are no rules, there is only the mind and what it chooses to believe. Our pain is a result of not seeing a reality that we believe should be there. That’s our illusion.
9. Gratitude connects us with our heart and helps us to manifest more to be grateful for. Practice being grateful often.
10. If we accept death, we embrace life. We are always changing and we take on and drop identities all the time. If we stay attached to having things stay the same or remaining a certain person, we suffer. Death often happens to serve a higher purpose that might not be clear with our minds for some time. Trust in the cycle of life and death, of cleansing, renewal, and rebirth.
11. Surrender. Let go of the ego and feeling the need to control. Let the love and healing in. Let go of old beliefs and patterns that don’t serve you anymore, and open your heart and your mind to receiving the new that does serve you. We are held by a higher power, the divine.
12. There is nothing to be afraid of. Don’t be afraid of your own shadow, your beliefs that dictate what you experience.
13. Wisdom comes in many forms, and often not what we expect – from dreams (the unknown), from an inner knowing (intuition), from young people (“old souls”), and from nature. Be open to learning new things and ways; lift your filters. Gifts are waiting to be received if we are open to seeing them.
14. We attract and create family, loving community, wherever we are, if we believe this can happen.
15. We are never alone. There is a higher power with us all the time; our guides, angels, and our higher self. You can connect with the essence of your departed loved ones as if they were with you, feeling their love and support. Just because we can’t see it doesn’t mean it ain’t there!
16. Believe in Oneness – There is no separation, we are all connected.
17. Enjoy Being. Practice Presence, releasing your over-focused attention on the past, worries of the future, etc. The ultimate joy is in being in the moment, being present to the now, seeing the beauty of all. This is the secret to happiness.
PASSAGES from “Messages from Jason”:
From Message 1 from Jason, 8/7/09, 3 AM the night of his passing:
His love is so big, and now that he isn't in his body he is limitless. He wants everyone to know that it is so easy to let the love in, and he can help us see how we can become more limitless. He is inviting all of you who know how to connect with him energetically to let him in as fully as you can because he is sending healing energy to the planet from the other side. He was so happy to get through to me, and it was quite overwhelming, I was laughing and crying at the same time. My partner Kule asked me what I can ask from Jason, and I asked him to tone it down a bit so I could sleep. He did, right away, it was amazing. Then I fell asleep. His love is magical.
From Message 8 -The Infinite, 8/14/09 :
Jason - what do we need to know about the infinite?
"Nothing - Just Be It. If you try to know it, you lose the connection. We are limitless, but we limit ourselves with our minds.”
From Message 22- Surrender, 8/22/09:
I awoke and heard “There’s Nothing Left.”
Writing it now it means to me that there is nothing left to do but surrender.I’m feeling great peace and love, and now with a sense of calm. It’s the feeling I’ve had when I’ve completely surrendered and I just know everything is perfect. It doesn’t come from my mind, but from my being. I’ve surrendered to the healing that is available from Jason and from my relationship with him and what he has taught me.
Jason is asking all of us to surrender and let the healing in.
From Message 24 – the Big Nothing, 8/24/09 :
This morning I was going through the box Jason kept bedside and found a poem on folded up paper that he must have written this past year, since I gave him the box a year ago. It was about the big nothing, the same title of a story I made up for him when he was about 10 yrs old. Lost my breath once again.
Blajhu – poem by Jason Foster, c. 2008-2009
the deep unknown
Not knowing what’s
In front of you
Not knowing what’s there
and what’s not
is there for the use
of no one
Behind of something
in front of nothing
while you drop relentlessly
Two in front of nothing
and from nothing I’m behind
Leaving the scent
of the light
from the liquid behind you
Up above you
Where the light shows bright
You’re being brought
the scent of the brightness
that you had once lost
And finding it shattered
Free to go, I suppose
as I get sucked down
And shot to the sky
I hover over
And watch it fly by
Two in front of nothing
And from nothing I’m behind
As I’m sucked down from my steady pace
Contained in a big black nothing
From Message 28 – We Are One, 9/27/09:
I watched the scarlet-yellow painted leaf that I threw into the stream move into a deep hole. It got caught up in eddies and swirled slowly to the bottom and the color faded to emptiness. I trusted I would see it again, and I waited patiently to see it churn upward in the cross-currents to resurface with its sunny colors. The eddies took it down again, reminding me of my emotional roller coaster. I prayed for surrender, trusting completely that this beautiful spirit would resurface with every submerge, in its own time, and be carried with the flow. With that energy of surrender held, I witnessed the sudden catapulting to the surface and with one quick smooth stroke the leaf glided glisteningly across the rocky ledge over a waterfall, where it continued its dance in the joy of being.
From Message 30 – Being, 10/1/09
I asked Jason what gives him the most joy where he is. As soon as I said it, I realized how silly the question was. In the world of spirit there is no such thing as joy or sadness or pain or peace. There is just what is. Being – with no judgment or labels or expectations. Just experiencing what is, with wonder.
From Tsunami, 11/10/09:
I believe that when someone dies, enormous energy is passed through those connected with that soul, like a tidal wave or an atomic explosion. There is the experience of shock and disbelief. There appears to be major loss and unfairness. So much crashes in on us – feelings, memories, and thoughts that are so intense and hard for our nervous systems to handle. This includes the overwhelming love that sweeps over us. There is also so much that floats to the surface, after the huge waves churn us up. It washes up on the beach, waiting to be cleared. With each burial or burning of debris, there is a clearing of energy, making way for the renewal and building of what is desired. It’s a lot of work. It’s exhausting. It’s grief.
From Grieving Affirmations, 12/31/2009:
I accept Jason’s death; it was his soul’s choice on his soul’s path. The higher plan may not be completely known to me, and I trust in his evolution and in what he is offering from the other side. I celebrate Jason’s life and spirit.
From Message 35 – Move In, 1/9/10:
It feels like time to move on, and the message I got from Jason today is to move in.
I’ve grieved hard, I’ve retreated and integrated, and now it’s time to do the work of my life. To move more fully into who I am.
From The Observer, 8/6/10, 1 yr after Jason’s passing:
I found myself watching Jason’s ashes swirl in the water. A year ago this was a powerful shamanic experience, feeling his energy in the ashes, letting it release the intensity of grief. This year it was different. I watched the ashes in interest. I observed the texture. I watched my emotions come up – missing him, wishing he hadn’t died, feeling the fatigue of so much grief over the past year, feeling the joy of having him in my life. The ashes, the emotions, they were all dust, they were all experiences that were what they were. No judgment, just observation.
I looked around Jason’s cove, feeling his presence. The feeling of presence wasn’t separate from me as it was in the past. He was watching as I was watching; we were the Observer together, there was no separation.
From A Year to Live, 8/22/10:
I died when Jason died.
Now I have the opportunity to re-live the way I choose to.
From Travelling with Jason, 10/4/10, on a continuing cross-country sabbatical seeking a new place to live with my partner Kule:
I continue to get clear signs that Jason is with me. At Yellowstone Falls I felt Jason’s unmistakable power in the flow of tons of clear water. At Olympic National Park during my visit with the sacred Sitka tree, the grandmother spirit blessed me with her love and acknowledged the amazing love I have for Jason; Jason showered his love for me through this ancient wise tree.
These were potent experiences. They brought me back to the place of trusting in the unseen, in the incredible energetic connection we can have with each other in life and after life.
It's awesome travelling with you, Jason.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
I have always wanted to go to Mt. Shasta to feel its vortex energy. A week ago, sitting in meditation at the headwaters of Panther Meadows, a place of Indian and Western sacred ritual, I realized I hadn’t thought of Jason since I landed in Mt. Shasta a few hours before and through the beautiful hike up to the meadows. I thought that was significant, and immediately I connected with Jason and saw some clear images.
Jason was an eagle, soaring through the mist of the mountain, free and powerful. The eagle is an appropriate totem for Jason. I was soaring with him, as a condor, a symbol of death, release, and transformation. We flew together for a while, until it felt we were one winged being. My semi-lucid mind recalled the Peruvian prophecy that at this time in our evolution it is important for the eagle and the condor to fly as one.
Coming out of meditation I felt lightness I hadn’t felt in some time. The previous day I was in some heaviness, looking out at a valley by Lassen volcano that had been destroyed by a fire in August 2009, at the time of Jason’s passing. Now I felt that heaviness gone, and I was in inspiration. There is something very powerful about connecting with Jason in this way, as we are merged into one being.
Two nights ago Kule and I joined an Osho group with our friend Rob (Atmaram) in Santa Cruz to do the Quantum Light Breath meditation. I set an intention to release all judgments, especially those I have about myself and what I can create. Jason’s presence was so palpable that another meditator shared that she felt it, too, not knowing about Jason at the time.
During the meditation my pelvis was being rocked rhythmically in a highly energetic fashion, helping release old stuff, and feeling a connection with Source very deeply. Jason was there, helping me rock and roll.
After the meditation I shared my experience and Rob, who had been resonating with Jason’s messages this past year, shared that there seemed to be something unique about the merging that I have been sharing with Jason. Hearing him express this, I felt some excitement, some recognition that this is happening, that Jason and I chose to do this at a soul level.
Yesterday, we walked through the ancient redwood forest and found a 1000-2000 yr old tree that had survived a fire. The inside was hollowed out and charred completely, and the outside was a magnificent giant living tree. Looking up through the inside, I felt very strongly the qualities of death and life co-existing in this tree. It was more than beautiful, it was peaceful ancient wisdom. It was telling me that death and life are not separate, that forms change but do not cease to exist.
The bottom line (or the Top Line) is that we are all one, we are not separate, and we are eternal . My experience with Jason has cleared my doubts about that, and it helps me to pass on this understanding to others by simply sharing Jason’s story.
I am feeling the call of getting to work to publish the book about Jason’s messages, to share this in a bigger way.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
As soon as I started connecting fully with Jason’s spirit on this land, I felt another presence, an omnipresence that was rich and beautiful. I continued walking on the Cedar trail of this permaculture education center outside Eugene Oregon. We came across two tombstones in the woods from the 80’s, when the land belonged to a Christian camp.
Looking at the dates, the first tombstone was of a girl who died at 22 yrs. The second tombstone was for a baby who died at 7 months. Instantly the tears came. I wept for the loss of these children. I felt the grief of the parents who lost these precious young ones. I know what this kind of grief is. I knew it wasn’t a coincidence that I came across these tombs on my first walk here. I also knew right away why these children were buried in this remote wooded area, nestled among trees, in front of a prominent tall tree stump that symbolized death and rebirth, nurtured by mother earth.
A sign was on the ground next to the tombs, barely visible in the grass. It read: “From Death comes Life.”
I paused to be with the grief and to feel the omnipresent energy I felt earlier, now even more strongly. This is the divine feminine energy, mother earth. She is loving these children. She is loving all of us. The message was so clear – the land and all life on it here loves everyone who stays here to nurture her back, tilling her soil, caring for her animals, appreciating the beauty, teaching others how to connect with nature in this way.
I got my first class in permaculture at Lost Valley, from the Earth herself.
Moving up the trail to a sunny area, I meditated for a while. When I opened my eyes I noticed a small fungus growing out of decaying matter. It showed me the cycle of life, death and new life. As I studied this small plant, I received a definition of permaculture, of what I call “Personal Permaculture”:
“If we see everything as spirit (energy) transforming from one form to another, then there is no loss and we see abundance and the worth of every living thing.”
These have been Jason’s messages all along, and his passing has given me a clearer view of these energetic connections, and an understanding of how there is no loss when we die, but a change in form. Jason has proven this to me; I have no doubt.
If we can connect energetically with all life, the earth, plants, animals, and other humans in this way, then our fears about loss dissolve and we can live life more fully and create more aliveness within ourselves as well as all we perceive outside ourselves.
This is personal permaculture. I don’t see how we can truly live in harmony with all that is without a belief in this energetic connection, without some spiritual connection. Permaculture education seems to be weighed toward the science and experimental observations, with reference to listening to what nature has to tell and show us. Perhaps there will be greater and greater focus on the spiritual aspect, back to the indigenous wisdom.
I’m curious about pursuing the spiritual path of permaculture, and will be returning to Lost Valley to spend some time here with the land and the knowledgeable and creative people who contribute to this special place.
On our third and last day of our first visit here, I walked along the creek trail and found a soft log to sit on. As I picked up my phone to make a call, it immediately didn’t feel right to be using electronic technology, but rather to be with nature here. I looked up and saw a doe and her baby deer feeding across the creek. I hung with them until they moseyed off to find more food. Back at the parking lot as I was packing the car, I met another mother with her baby who stayed in visual relaxed contact with me for several minutes, it seemed.
The mother energy is strong here, and it has reminded me of how strong my own mother energy is, and my connection with my soul child.
It’s sweet hanging out in Bambi country with Jason.