Connecting with the divine is second nature to me. Connecting with an individual spirit like Jason seems new, but on reflection it isn’t. I connect with the spirit of each person on a regular basis, when I am being present, in the moment. I’ve also connected with spirits of loved ones right after they dropped their bodies, and I forgot about that when I was writing Part 1 of this message.
The first time I lost a dear person in my life was when my friend Joanie died after getting pneumonia after a bone marrow transplant, about 12 yrs ago. I went to see her in the hospital when she was fighting the pneumonia and was unconscious. I trusted she could hear me, and I spoke to her soothingly, assuring her that all would be fine; her daughter was there doing the same. She died peacefully that evening. Looking back, I know she got the message from me to relax and let happen what was going to happen without resistance, whatever that was (we didn’t know she was going to die). I felt honored to have been there to help prepare her for her passage.
At her funeral service, I looked outside and had an experience I never had before. I saw Joanie everywhere in nature, and I felt her presence so strongly. Joanie taught me so much about connecting with earth spirits; she was one herself. She had been merged with them all along, and now more freely without a body. Whenever I think of Joanie I see her in the trees, the flowers, and the sky.
My father was dying of complications from Alzheimer’s five years ago in hospice; his body was strong enough they thought it would take days for him to pass without food, and this was the first evening there. I wasn’t feeling well, so I didn’t rush over to see him 2 hrs away when my sister called to say he was breathing hard; he had done this three times before and survived weeks more in the hospital. I planned to go the next day, but it was too late.
That evening I sent him distance Reiki. As I was doing this, I felt his spirit come to me so strongly, in a way I had never experienced, feeling peace I hadn’t felt about him in the years he was struggling with his disease. As I was finishing, I got the call from my sister that he had just passed.
Two days later, when grief was pouring out about the loss of my father, grieving the past 2 years of suffering with him in his disease, and grieving that I didn’t get the closeness I had wanted from my father, he came to me. I was lying asleep on the couch, and I felt someone come in to the room and sit on the couch mattress; I felt the cushion depress with his weight. I was half asleep and opened my eyes and didn’t see anyone. Inside my head I felt the presence of a light being, neon blue, exuding so much love. It was my father, without the disease, free of human bondage, expanded in the love he always felt for me and my siblings, expressing this freely now. He told me he wants us to be happy, especially my sister, who had suffered the most with his disease, being his primary caregiver in R.I.
After receiving this message, I felt so much gratitude for having had in my life. I saw a completely different perspective now, that I had received such blessings from him – intelligence, such passion for life, and confidence to create whatever I want. This is what he was as a doctor – it was his passion to heal others, and I got my healership from him as well as my intuitive mother. I learned more about my father at the funeral from all those who came to tell us what an amazing person he was, saving so many lives, teaching them about medicine, sharing his gifts with no financial interests (in fact, he is the only doctor I’ve ever known who declared bankruptcy; he wasn’t a businessman.) My father was happiest at work, and I finally understood that it wasn’t his dharma to be a father in this lifetime. But he gave us so much in other ways. My soul chose him as my father in this lifetime for reasons that finally became clear when he passed and I could get the messages more clearly.
Communication can be clearer in many ways when the spirit is freed from the body-mind-ego. I’ve been experiencing this with Jason’s spirit, and that is why I am often feeling the gratitude even stronger than the sadness. I chose Jason as my son in this lifetime, to give and receive gifts, and I have.
I posted the first shared message on Jason’s Facebook Wall today. I didn’t want to feel like an intruder into his private life, with so many dear friends pouring their hearts out in messages written to Jason. It felt right to join in, and his friends know that I have been reading his Facebook since he passed. It is another way to communicate with my friend Jason, just like all his other friends are doing. And it felt so good - it brought forth tears that joined in the waterfall of tears shared by all these on-line souls, a ritual of cleansing and sharing in the journey of life and death.
We are all connected.
Here’s a poem Jason wrote May-June 2009 that speaks to me of connecting with the other side:
A subtle shift in the movement of the clouds
This canopy of dim protection
Something quiet, something still
A lull in space and time until
A heightening fog in the growth of the dawn
This ominous birth of something new
Always quiet, never still
A crack in space and time until
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