Jason gave me a clear message today – it’s time to retreat and relax.
Grieving takes a lot of energy – it’s important work, but it doesn’t have to be consuming. I never had that belief, but I have been tired. I also get the sense that most of the hard work is done, and I feel good about where I am. Writing has been a great support for me, and loving witness. I have abundant support to turn to for help when I need it; just knowing that makes my current journey easier.
Jason’s right (he usually is). It’s a great time to do a retreat, to be in more silence. This time of year is a time of reflection, solitude, and silence for me, following my inner rhythm according to the Solstice tradition rather than the active holiday party-shopping-workdeadline craze. I love the Christmas lights, reminding me of the light in the darkness, and the cozy warming fire and being with loving community. I’m enjoying a slower pace of work, and some interesting work, planning presentations for the spring, and good rapport with my clients. I have no major business travel coming up, and I can do whatever grieving comes up easily.
I’m appreciating the opportunity to do what I need to do, not what anyone might expect. I’m not making commitments to any travel or major events, so I can stay tuned into what I need and not disappoint. I’m trusting I will get what I need, and that I can be available to others when that is needed.
I’m appreciating that others are honoring and wanting to follow my wishes, such as not exchanging presents with my family. I am blessed that everyone understands. I trust we can enjoy the family holiday gathering and include Jason’s spirit in a way that is comforting and sweet and not dwelling on loss. My family understood that I didn’t want a routine Christmas (reminding me of Jason’s absence) when I encouraged them to go to Argentina to visit relatives over Christmas vacation; I am so glad to see my niece Nikki have the experience Jason had 3 years ago, spending time with relatives she never met, and to see my sister Mariana spend that precious time with her daughter the way I got to spend it with my son. I’m so grateful we got to explore our roots together, and to hear Jason create intentionally ridiculous Spanish phrases to humor our blood relatives. They are grateful they got a chance to get to know our dear Jason.
Life can be too short to put off what’s so important to us. That’s why I’m going to Costa Rica to play and explore intentional communities with Kule in early 2010. That’s why we are taking an advanced Avatar training in manifesting, to continually be creating what we want in our lives. I’m looking forward to removing any obstacles (that I might not even know I have!) on my sacred path.
The retreat time for me will be an opportunity to just be, and to listen without judgment or expectation about what any of it means. I’m incubating. The transition will be what it is, and I trust I will get the guidance I need to make some changes in my work and lifestyle that I’m being told will happen. Much of my book on my grieving journey and Jason’s messages has already been written, and I am inspired to continue writing in other areas of my life, such as with my corporate consulting (I am co-authoring a book due end of 2010) and teaching spirituality in the workplace. Rediscovering my passion for writing has been a gift.
Jason taught me how to follow my passion even more than I have been, and to use my gifts. There is one more writing to do before I immerse in silence – Humility and Power. Watching Jason being too humble and not letting his power out more in life, I learned that I also do this. I plan to use my gifts more powerfully, to assist with my own growth and that of others.
Let the retreat begin……
P.S. Being in retreat doesn’t mean I won’t be in communication, but I will choose what communication is priority and what feeds me in the moment. I wish you holiday peace and joy!
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