Message 32 - Be a Child

Be a child – that was Jason’s message to me today, delivered by the three wise boulders of Labor-In-Vain, after I shared Jason’s energy with them.

Cool. That’s the ultimate reflection – to be the mirror!
(I just wrote about Mirror Reflections).

The message resonated with me deeply. Of course – this is yet another reason to miss Jason, another reason to grieve. When he was around I could be the child through him. When he left the physical plane I unconsciously assumed I couldn’t feel that anymore. But he’s telling me I can.

And he’s telling me that I need to be; I didn’t get to be it much when I was a physical child. I was an adult child, and when I became an adult I continued to be responsible, by taking care of my child Jason. He was becoming an adult, but he would always be my little boy in some way.

So what have I been missing?
The awe, the wonder, the innocence, the naivety, the vulnerability, the play, the being-taken-care-of-ness. I experience all of that, I embrace that, and I have come so far learning with Jason, but perhaps I could be that even more, naturally?
Duh. (That’s from me, but it could as easily be from Jason!)

So what about all the inner child work I did in therapy in my late 20’s and 30’s? All good stuff, and probably more layers to discover. Instead of seeking, and grieving not having had it, I’m being told to just be it. I already am; I just need to push aside the other identities that get in the way. I need to remember that this is an important part of me that needs attention sometimes.

The child has been crying, and I’m being held. The divine mother is holding me, Jason is holding me, I’m holding Jason’s blankie. I’m seeing beauty in all of the decaying trees and berries left on leave-less bushes to feed the winter birds – beauty Jason captured in his photographs. I’m walking faster, forgetting my healing ankle can be sore. Next, it’s time to play! Children know how to shift easily….

I am also reminded that I am always the child, the adult, the healer, the teacher, the musician, and whatever identity I choose. Jason got to be all of those identities and more when he was a child.

I’m being with my child Jason and my child Michelle. We play well together.