We’ve been on the road over five weeks, and it feels like I’m past due to get home, although I am on a roll and excited about continuing on. I’ve been used to travelling a few weeks and headed back home, to Jason.
This journey I’m not headed back, and Jason is travelling with me.
Jason is everywhere. He’s taking photographs of Badlands, mystical trees, and weird mushrooms. He’s hanging with the cool young people. He’s checking out the amazing artistic creations. He’s playing with the street musicians. He’s selling his photographs at the community marketplace. Jason would have loved the northwest cities of Seattle, Portland, and Eugene, with all the diversity, openness, and friendliness here.
The emptiness caught up to me today when I heard the marimba playing on the street corner leaving the farmer’s market. The young man was playing a song that sounded very much like Jason’s composition; it stopped me in my tracks. As I walked away on weak legs, I sat with the pain and let it flow out with my tears. Back to being in the moment with my new dear friends, I also reflect on the importance of acknowledging the pain as it arises.
Jason was hanging with us when we visited Ben, Noah, and Samara at Orcas Island. We had so much fun, I forgot the pain of his absence, with the exception of a few moments in which we shared some grief together. Jason was definitely inspiring Ben to do the water phone ritual with water dragons in Crescent Lake. We got randomly silly and ridiculous together like old times, now with Kule joining in. Jason was enjoying watching us play.
Every time I meet someone who talks about their grown up children and what they do together, which has been quite often in this trip, I feel some pain of my own loss. I miss seeing Jason continue to evolve in his human body. I miss sharing my life with him. I miss him. Simple.
I also continue to get clear signs that Jason is with me. At Yellowstone Falls I felt Jason’s power in the flow of tons of clear water. At Olympic National Park during my visit with the sacred Sitka tree, the grandmother spirit blessed me with her love and acknowledged the amazing love I have for Jason; Jason showered his love for me through this ancient wise tree.
These were potent experiences. They brought me back to the place of trusting in the unseen, in the incredible energetic connection we can have with each other in life and after life.
It's awesome travelling with you, Jason.
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